Gaga, Minaj, Lohan and Me

So I know I am going to destroy this lie but I really think it is worth noting.  This past weekend my friend and I attended a Philly college party.  It was the typical drunken night, underage kids stumbling around, trying to dance in an empty kitchen, while spilling drinks all over one another.  We both fit right in.  Throughout the night we both ended up meeting so many different people in two very different ways; he knew people from make out sessions, while I met people through lying.  For those that read my blog and I met that night, you will now learn the story I am going to retell to the world...is 100% false.  I’m sorry but you spent the night meeting a complete character.  Though it was fun thinking of lies on the spot, I apologize for this story…and you believing all of it.

My friend introduced me to a kid that I happened to mention was cute.  I had originally noticed him from across the room and since I was not going to try to trek my way through the mesh of bodies moving in motion to the beat of some typical hit radio station soundtrack…my friend did it for me.  He gladly introduced himself to the boy and brought him over to me.  I was kind enough to introduce myself and the conversation began as normally as any would.

If you know anything about me, I love making characters up while talking to complete strangers, so this is what I became when I met his girlfriend after she was done making out with the kid’s roommate.

My name is Matt O’Neill and my father owns the O’Neill surf company.  As usual they did not believe me so I had to show them my ID.  After convincing them, I was asked what I did for my father.  I didn’t want to seem spoiled so I worked part-time under him until I would gain control of the corporation.  I fly around the country marketing for my father and the surf boards we sell.  As if it were a scripted dialog, they asked me if I had any stories…this is where my imagination got to run wild.

1. I’ve met Lady Gaga, and in person she is not as strange as she would seem.  I’ve also met Nicki Minaj, now that girl is INSANE.  She is just as crazy as her character.  We’ve hung out after awards shows chatting and talking, it was all good fun.  Again this is ALL FAKE…but it was the highlight of my night.

2. I’ve hung out with Lindsey Lohan.  I actually brought my friend who was at the party with me (he drunkenly vouched for me) into the VIP section of a LA club to hang with her.  Now she does not do coke at all but her friends?  Oh my God do they pack the lines.  The parties were filled with mounds and mounds of coke.  I’ve never touched drugs in my life…I’m not even sure I was using the right terminology.

3. Philadelphia was where I grew up (I think the only truth to the story) but once I learned to earn my living, I traveled a lot to promote my company and led all the management.

At this point there was quite a group of people around me asking me questions and I proceeded to answer their questions with full explanations that I made up on the fly.  It is a game I like to play while I am out and it always makes for a great morning after story.  It did get the kid to ask me to come back with him, or “get out of here” as he said so as much as it was a completely fabricated story, it worked.  I recommend trying it, or if you have, be sure to comment below about who you were or what you have told people you did or do.

Again all of it was made up, so if you were one of the people who listened to this story, I’m not really sorry.  Just be thankful it wasn’t my porn star character I once attempted.

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